in-tacenda

Source:

Salam.

4 days after my last post, 19/06/2020-- I got an interview for a substitute teacher (22/06) in a school and a teacher in a tuition center (24/06). I applied the positions via Facebook, my sister sent the link to me. Before that, I didn't know that we could apply job in Facebook hahaha so it was a new thing for me.

SCHOOL: 

The school requested to do a video of teaching and send the video before I came to the interview session. I did the video full heartedly using my aunty's old Samsung Tab because that was my only tools for being at Kampung. We went back home on Sunday (21/06) and I finished editing the video Monday, an hour before the interview session pheww. The interview session was on 11am. During the interview, I told them about my situation and I was asked to resign, "Macam mana kalau nak berhenti kat sana? Boleh berhenti?" . I remembered, my father keep saying not to resign on my current job. I just nodded to the interviewer and told him I will discuss with the management. Gosh the interview session was intense as it was my first interview ever after 8 months. They told me the results would be by tomorrow or the day after, because they wanted to have a teacher ASAP. But guess what? I haven't heard from them since then until 28th of June. 

TUITION CENTER:

I was late to the interview that day (24/06) because I was lost. It turned out the place was at another side of Kajang hahaha fool me for not reading the WhatsApp messages and opened the given location. It was quite far. I wrote back to the Person-In-Charge (PIC) and informed, "I'm sorry I'm going to be late. I was lost". She was cool enoughand said "It's okay". Luckily when I arrived there, it was not my turned yet. So I waited like 30 minutes. Mind you, I waited like 30 minutes also at the school that day. So it's okay to be early. I kinda have a vibe of 'fun' for the tuition center. So I was like, why not kalau dapat kerja part time sini dulu untuk sebulan kan. The interview session also was fun. Not like the previous interview session, I was told beforehand to prepare for a mock teaching for any topic of mathematics. So I taught the interviewer. It was fun. I taught Logarithm and its law. The response I got from him also great. He told me the interview's result will be out by the weekend. So, likewise I waited patiently. But it has been 9 days since the interview day, I haven't heard anything from them. Tonight, I received a call to offer me the english & mathematics teacher from the tuition center. Sad and frustrated, I had to turned down the offer.

The company I'm working with uplifted the UPL and we were asked to come back to work but only for half month (minimum 13 days). All of these happened right after I went for the interviews. I don't know what else to say. I'm grateful but at the same time it was frustrated. I told my parents so many times that I wanted to quit my current job. But they won't allow me to, they kept saying "tak payah berhenti, biar company yang berhentikan awak. Nanti awak rugi tak dapat pampasan". Is the compensation money THAT important? 

Another reason to be frustrated is, I don't have the answer why they called me at the last minute. It makes me think, "am i that bad or am i too good?" 🙁

Kalau tak sebab kena pergi Segamat untuk 2 minggu dan dapat masuk balik kerja, aku dah terima dah tawaran dari pusat tuisyen tu.

To be honest, to be a teacher is one of my ambition since I was a kid. Growing up with aunties and uncle who have been serving their life by teaching had always inspiring me. Berkhidmat untuk negara. Memberi manfaat kepada masyarakat. Kumpul pahala macam tu je. I don't know if you know this. I applied for IPG twice. Passed sampai UKCG for the first and second tu passed sampai group interview. Then that's it. I applied for DPLI UniSZA after I graduated from UMT, but then luck and rezeki is not with me. The application got error and I failed it. 

I don't know if I should give up to be a teacher, for now. The path seems to be blurry. Adulthood is blurry. I was once a kid with too many ambitions but now, looking at all the circumstances I became ambitionless. 

I learned that we just have to do our work and know our place. May Allah gives what's the best for us and avoid the worst from us. Perhaps things are not going in our way, it is going according to His plans, who know? Only Allah knows.

Aaamiinn.

Dua puluh tiga, 2020

14 Jun 2020, ulangtahun aku yang ke 23. Tak sangka 6 tahun lepas aku melangkah sekolah dengan gembira, habis SPM, just to face the reality of being an adult. Being one, it has no fun in it.

I've been down lately, looking at some of my friends are achieving their goals. Ada yang dah kerja secara professional as a banker, ada yang tengah sambung study, ada yang dah stable bekerja di syarikat yang aku boleh katakan selamat la dalam keadaan sekarang (at least tak kena unpaid leave ataupun diberhentikan).

Yesterday, I saw Alia's whatsapp status. Alia is one of my dearest junior from Universiti Malaysia Terengganu. Kawan sekelas dia, Adila terlibat dengan kebakaran. Rumahnya terbakar dan benda yang dia sempat grab cuma laptop. Punca kebakaran, fuse box terbakar. I can't imagine how would I feel if I was at her place. Dah la final year, intership lagi beberapa hari. Nak kena submit thesis lagi. Assignment lagi. Mesti rasa macam messed up gila.

Kita ni diuji dengan pelbagai ujian dan setiap manusia berbeza ujiannya. Macam aku, mungkin aku diuji dengan mendapat kerja yang profesional lambat sikit. Seperti Adila, dia diuji dengan rumahnya terbakar di saat genting seperti itu. Dalam keadaan sekarang, membuatkan aku terfikir mesti ramai lagi diuji dengan ujian lebih berat. Dalam kesusahan aku yang tak seberapa ni, aku masih ada rumah untuk tinggal. Tinggal dengan family aku. Aku boleh shopping lagi dekat shopee walaupun acap kali aku cakap aku takda duit kah. Aku masih cukup pakai, makan, minum dan tidur. Alhamdulillah.

Hal ni selalu membuatkan aku berpegang pada satu quote ni. Quote daripada drama Korea yang bertajuk What Happens To My Family?. Oh pernah post pasal drama ni dulu. Kat sini. 6 tahun lepas punya drama dan ada 53 episod. I still can't believe I watched it from the 1st episode until the end.

"At your age, nothing is supposed to work out. If everything worked out, that'd be weird. The sooner the sun up, the higher your shadow get. A god beginning doesn't ensure a good ending. If the progress is slow, there's a reason why. So, don't cry. Pain is part of being young, they say"

Peer pressure is real even in adulthood. Kalau dulu masa kecil, selalu mak comparekan kita dengan anak kawan-kawan dia takpun anak sedara dia kan. Bila dah besar ni, ada juga. Tapi lebih pada aku comparekan diri aku dengan kawan-kawan aku yang lain. Aku rasa pressure. Aku rasa macam aku tak bersyukur dengan apa yang aku ada. Tapi bila muhasabah diri semula, aku patut bersyukur sangat sangat. This is just part of the pain.

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As of today is my 23rd birthday, I received so many prayers from my family, friends and acquaintances. Thank you for all the prayers. I really appreciated it. Only Allah can repay you back. These are some of the prayers and wishes that really make my heart feel awww

야 생일 축하해 💜 너의 생일은 우리 탄이 생일 하루 뒤에 좀 특별한거 알지? ㅋㅋ너의 인생에서 더 성공하고 행복했으면 좋겠다 야 왜냐면 좋은 것 들을 받을 자격이 있으니까. 앞으로ㅗ 더 멋지게 살아맄ㅋㅋ많이 보고싶고 사랑한다! 나 먼저 자..녕~(슨데..우리 멀리 있지도 않은데 왜 이렇게 너를 만나기가 좀 힘들지?I don't know  난 물라 🤔😂✊) - Maryam

Assalamualaikum Qilah. Happy 23rd birthday. Semoga Allah memberkati sahabat saya ni. Diberikan kesihatan yang baik. Dipanjangkn umur dan dimurahkan rezeki sentiasa 💕. Semoga terus kuat dalam menjalani kehidupan yang makin mencabar, diberikan kesabaran dan sentiasa kuat dalam menghadapi apa jua cabaran dan dugaan hidup. Semoga 'Aqilah Najwa menjadi hamba yang taat dan anak yang solehah untuk mak abah. ❤️. Ya Allah semoga sahabat saya berjaya dunia dan akhirat. Aamin 😊. Happy birthday sister. I love you 💐 - Farahin

Happy birthday aqilah najwa!
I pray for every steps of yours
Be blessed with His love and guidance
And of course, endless happiness and barakah fiddunya wal akhirah!
Happy 23rd birthday aqil! Luv u! Heheh ❤️🙆🏻‍♀️🎂 - Mardhiah

Happy Birthday ‘Aqilah Najwa!! Mencari gambar kita berdua seperti tiada, aku dh transfer masuk laptop la ni 🙃🙃 Thank you selalu teman pergi career fair smpai sis dapat protege maybank. Nnti kita gi makan yeee. May Allah bless you with endless happiness. Thank you for helping me when I needed words of wisdom! Semoga ‘Aqilah Najwa serta keluarga dan org sekelilingnya dijauhi sebarang penyakit berbahaya. Sentiasa dimurahkan rezeki olehNya. Mendapat keberkatan dan keredhaan dariNya. Semoga anda terbuka hati nak apply kerja lain hehe. Cepat cepat kahwin (AMIIN) 🤲🏻🤲🏻 Love you lots babe! Takecare 🤍🤍 - Athirah

HAPPY BIRTHDAY QILAHHH HEHEHEHE SORRY LAMBAT. May there be success at every turn of life and all your dreams come true! Semoga kehidupanmu di dunia ini sentiasa dilindungi, diberkati dan dirahmati oleh Allah. I pray for your happiness and health. Stay safe wherever you are. Muahh miss u bb😘 - Wina

Happy Birthday 'Aqilah. Saya doakan segala yang terbaik buat awak, di dunia dan akhirat. Ingatlah yang segala perkataan dan perbuatan kita di dunia ini adalah semata2 utk mendapatkan keredhaan Allah; belajar, bekerja, bermasyarakat, berkahwin, dll. Semoga kita sama2 dikurniakan syurgaNya kelak, amin. See you there insyaAllah - Dr Hassilah

Dr Hassilah's prayer hits me so hard. Therefore, I would like to write myself a letter.

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SURAT UNTUK 'AQILAH

Dear 'Aqilah,

Alhamdulillah, you have turn 23 this year! Terima kasih Allah kerana telah memanjangkan umur dan memurahkan rezeki Aqilah. Terima kasih mak dan abah sebab telah menanggung Aqilah sehingga cukup pakai, makan, minum dan tidur. Terima kasih adik beradik kerana menerima kekurangan dan kelebihan seorang adik dan kakak ini. Terima kasih kawan-kawan yang masih mengingati diri yang serba biasa ini.

Ingatlah Aqilah, rezeki datang dalam pelbagai bentuk. Setiap hari kau doa "ya Allah kurniakanlah aku rezeki yang melimpah ruah, rezeki yang boleh membawa aku, guru-guru, keluarga, sahabat dan sesiapa yang mengenali aku ke syurga" dan Allah makbulkan doa kau. Kau nampak tak? Keluarga kau masih bersama kau. Tempat tinggal kau masih utuh. Makan, minum dan tempat tidur alhamdulillah ada. Kau masih boleh memberi kepada orang yang lebih memerlukan.

Aqilah, it's okay if people do not recognize your effort. Always be kind. Jagalah solat. Jaga lah hubungan dengan Allah. Aku rasa itu yang kau masih kena perbaiki. Jangan tipu diri sendiri. Jangan culas baca al-Quran. 

Aqilah, count your blessings instead. Stop overthinking about things you haven’t achieve yet. You will reach there soon. You don't have to rush. Rezeki yang kau expect tu belum tiba masanya lagi. Insya Allah, rezeki tu akan sampai!

Aqilah, please read a lot of books. Please reduce your time on social media. No one is looking for you on social media anyway. Kau tu je perasan kau famous. Nothing interesting there like it used to. Ni bukan zaman kau dah. You should've deactivate all your accounts hahaha jk keep spreading kind there okie.

Aqilah, learn how to pray specifically. Allah tu Maha Mendengar. Dia Maha Mengetahui. You have been through a lot but this is only a little if you want to compare it to others who are unfortunate.

Akhir kata, jangan putus asa okay. Sila jangan tidur selepas subuh. 

x.

Throughout the Years; 2017, 2018 & 2019

FIRST POST FOR 2020!

It has been almost three months since the first day of Movement Control Order aka MCO. MCO started on 18th March 2020 due to corona virus (covid-19), pandemic and I must say it's a tragedic that happened to the world. While I have a lot of time to be waste, I thought I wanted to start blogging again (yeah after a few encounter, sebab tak ada idea hahah and people won't read my blog anyway).

Here are some updates after the last post in 2017:

2017 and 2018 are the most busiest and hectic years in my life. Nevertheless I learned a lot throughout the years. I was selected to be one of the Majlis Perwakilan Pelajar in Universiti Malaysia Terengganu. I met awesome and great people. They are also my team and currently friends called family. Raz, Kelly, See @ Riana, Wani, Kak Adi, Din, Aril, Chisto, Along, Andi, Bobby, Umar, Aimi, Ainsyaf, Feera, Zara, Seha, Yani, Yana, Nad, Sher, Mia, & Nisah they helped me in building up my self esteem, (I posted an appreciation post on my Instagram before hahaha but I'm gonna write here again). We shed tears together. We hang out together a lot also. Being an mpp was the greatest decision I've ever made in my life. I had to sacrifice my time for my academic, family and friends. Jarang sekali balik ke Bangi. Most of my time are spent in UMT. But I had no regret walaupun it affected my results. I admitted that I have no interest anymore in the coure I took. I barely made it, alhamdulillah. I managed to maintain the 3.0 CGPA as I was a JPA holder.

Our first family picture

My close friends also understood my time and suprisingly we managed to spend our time together. Likewise they said, "you need to find the time to spend together, communication is the key" I don't know who quoted that hiks. 2018 had been something to me. Ended the leadership world of mpp, prs and syumt, challenged myself on university challenge, cried for many times because couldn't coop and almost gave up on studies and fyp, feeling betrayed, feeling anxiety all the times, and more.

Farahanim's birthday celebration

But because of these people, I stood up. I learn to pick myself up. They helped me went through it. I felt sorry for the family, sebab selalu tak balik rumah. I thanked them for sometimes being understanding. Thank you for being honest whenever I need it. Terima kasih sebab layan karenah aku, hantar and pick up aku kat airport & stesen bas. Terima kasih sudi beri bahu untuk aku menangis saat aku memerlukan.

I missed everyone right now 😢

2019, not so much things happened as I was solely focusing on my academic. Needed to remind myself a lot that the cgpa have to maintain hahah so no more playing around. I shed tears a lot too throughout the years. About to give up on my fyp also kah. I had my first ever surprise birthday celebration from the Sang Mantan family. They're so precious! I had my friends birthday celebration too! I'm still in awe that I managed to complete my thesis on fyp although I barely can't understand what I was researching. I'm still in awe that I have graduated with 3.0 CGPA HAHAHA. Alhamdulillah nevertheless. Mak & abah must have had pray for me, like a lot.

Graduation ceremony

So fast forward heading to 2020.

It has been 7 months since I graduated. I started working as a store assistant at Galeri Ariani Ostia Bangi for 4 months. After that, the managers offered me to work as a cashier there. So, currently I work as a cashier. But I have been on leave (unpaid) since early of June due to the pandemic event and MCO. I had fun working there despite of the pressure (iykyk). Staying at home made me stress, hence I woke up late after subuh prayer. Mom was crazy mad at me for tidur balik lepas subuh. Sorry mak, love you.

That's all for now. See you in the next post!